Blissfully inhaled and exhaled

When you come to meet me Don't stay for longer Trying to uncover parts of me Trying to learn of find the words and adjectives in between the lines I would love to share the tea with you But I fear that if you stay longer after the tea is over And I fell short of words You might smell something very rusty  The hundredth coat of paint  Which i just painted before you entered  On few feelings  Which are yet to dry  I wonder why don't they dry up fast in the scorching heat of Mumbai They seem to have somehow freezed  Which instead of drying melt with the heat The warmth people bring when they ask of my heart Seem to melt it rather than letting it dry and setting it off You might like the smell of the paints I like it too But you might touch it with your bare hands  To feel it And get a bit of it on you The stain Its difficult to get rid of it Just like the love in your heart  You might ended up spreading it  On your palms  On your dress On y...

The ceiling  The fan The curtains The door The windows All are still With the silent Breeze making its way into the room Like the thoughts in my head I can hear the ticking of the clock  The heart knocks against my chest Sometimes even the a sound of my eye lids flickering  On the thoughts that are non stop I cry to myself in the head  "Nobody loves me." Before I throw another tantrum  My head replies Your family loves you. And i suspend that answer  Thinking of  A friend i have known since 10 years now A friend who can read my thoughts through the phone screen Just by knowing me through a year A boy whom I had met years ago  I don't even remember the length of his smile Of the shape of his head or the position or the color of his hair But I think of that boy When I say nobody loves me. Now the irony is  None of the three people  Like to express love in words  Or in loud gestures And i crave for words  But if they tell those wo...

All the fears are real People falling  While walking While dancing While just standing still While looking at someone Failing In the exams With the expectations  Of yours  And your loved once And the strangers Growing In love Out of love Getting old With lessons With scars With open wounds  Being stuck On page for hours and weeks In life for years and years With people till the end In thoughts of your own and the others too. With a blank full of ink but still not working Many others like People giving up on you People not fighting for you You not able to find the old you You missing yourself  While you stand before the mirror With blank thoughts Like standing in a room  On your own shadow Everyday at certain hour of the day All that you fear is happening is someday We just need to breathe through it Crying, yelling, laughing or just sitting through it Or just walking past it.

  We met. Exchanged words. Bid hi followed by bye, Sometimes in days but usually in few minutes. Words started filling the silence; Sometimes meaningful enough to ponder, But mostly just the talk of the moment. And don't know when  The earth's gravity found its place between the two. Pulling her towards him, But then they repeal; If kept in closure distance. When kept in different space It's easy to be different poles. It's only when you bring them together In sentences In feelings You realise  They are alike poles  Natural to repeal Like it's just affection Not love. Talks of 3 AM Simple words  Tuned as metaphors. Or the gift wrappers Shinny, Easy to fell for. Excited to unwrap it With zero patience You even are convinced to tear it off Just to realise It was your heart dancing in happiness Not the thing in the wrapper But that wrapped played the trick The moments  The words The way they talk They way they get into your nerves without even touching you The...

  I tell her I hate you as if it's wishing Good morning or good night or a hie or a bye I tell her I hate you right after I wake up until m dead with my phone in my hand with her texting awaiting my response I tell her I hate you when in the best moods or the worst I tell her about the crush that just happened a min ago I tell her about the boy who was my crush a second ago I cry to her about my fallen ice cream I cry to her about the finished maggie packets I cry to her about the 1cm increase in the muscle fat of my arm I cry to her about the boy not proposing the girl on the screen I cry to her about not receiving a text from the only person I want to slap because he just kept me on read I cry to her about my cravings for cake, maggie, tea, chocolates I cry to her about not able to draw the perfect eyes of my crush  I cry to her about mom not listening to me I cry to her about dad asking me to get married I plan dates with her Where I want to cook the best omelettes The best...

  I miss the normal problems I miss mom scolding me for being late from work I miss being stuck in traffic when out for office I miss being out with my friend and then planning another outing I miss the gossips at the coffee shops I miss the crowd at McDonald's I miss waiting for my chance in the queue of burger King I miss seeing the teenage girls in sarees for farewell in college waiting the bus and the train I miss seeing the boys trying to fix the loose tie standing by their crush I miss seeing dad care free about us being out of home I miss the normal problems The news of people dying is suffocating The news of all the chance for this virus vanishing is nowhere They talk of precautions  Now each day seems a achivement Now each but of oxygen seems a reward Now washing hands seems the only hygienic essential Now being around your loved once seems so terrifying You can't touch them  You can't hug them You can't even wipe their fear tears You can just stand their prayi...

  I ask mom can I go out with him, she says no in blocks caps and everything to make it loud enough So that I don't try to convince her I ask mom if I can go out with her As first like always she says no, but after 2 or 3 attempts  She is fine with the plan  I wonder what is the difference May be she thinks  The she I would be hanging out with Won't hug me Or kiss me Or put her arms around my waist  Or on the shoulders Or come close enough to increase my heart beat Or hold my hands and walk around Or bring me flowers and chocolates and gifts Or take me on a dinner date  Or for lunch Or for a date just with a cup of tea and lots of eye to eye talking and so much of silence  But we will be together all this while But aren't there chance of me falling for a girl But aren't there chance of the boy not liking me and just coming to say hi and a bye  And everything in between it will be about the job and family we both are living with in those four walls...