Blissfully inhaled and exhaled

  I often understand love in a language I don’t understand  Like falling for stranger Sometimes for their kindness  Sometimes for that smile Sometimes just for them being happy  Sometimes for their sympathy  How does falling starts for unknown  너의 이름을 불러보지만 닿을 수 없다는 걸 알고 있어 긴 밤을 꼬박 새우고 빗속으로 어느새 (새벽이 오고 있어) ( even though i call your name I know i can't reach you I spent the long night in the rain suddenly (dawn is coming) But it roots as you stay their for hours and sometimes for days  And if you happen to to stay longer It stays for lifetime  Not into your life but into your heart Sometimes a song reminders you of it On other days the checked shirt Or that gesture you noticed in the crowd of unknown people Often it’s how they behave around and with their people Gentle, calm, silently funny in the heads Mischievous smiles And a face you never thought to encounter 

How do you believe the moon isn't whispering your stories to someone aren't the chance of him whispering it to some writer high May be one of the reasons why you related to the story yesterday on Netflix May be that's how your crushes end up in your favorite color today May be that's how you cleared the interview today How do you know the moon isn't working on his script with your lines If you can believe someone that far How do we end up doubting the skin and flesh besides and around us If we don't hold expectations and grudges when it comes to him Why wonder for years over a message that din come through I don't understand how we whisper our secrets to the mountains and the sea but fear of losing them against the people we breathe with How do we trust the living forms breathing without the flesh over the living we can touch and feel How do I trust the paper with my words and strangers with my smiles With every question I pen I end of writing hope, belief, ...

  The thoughts of how is she doing  Is she fine Is she able to cope up with her heart break With the chaos at home and the stress of work Is she fine now?  I often think of two to three people  If they survived the day Swam through the nostalgic days I think if they ate or if they slept well Does that particular friend make them happy  But, When we meet I end talking the most  And they listen  Most of the talks I do are things thats already be said, discussed, concluded but I say them again And they listen  I talk of new stuff and they listen  I wonder how seeing their face Meeting them in person makes me more selfish Whereas in a silent room all i think is of them  Even in the crowd, they happen to cross my mind But I wonder why I turn blank while writing of them but still fill pages with metaphors  I struggled to learn once

When I received your message today  I was on my way to office, I smiled to your text but missed to reply Today when my phone buzzed with you name with a message underneath  I peeped at it and missed to reply, again! The other day when I received your message, I was out with a friend so I kept it on unread to reply later But I slept  And days followed  Your name kept shining everyday I kept going without replying to them on time or even not But you stayed  So the other day when I didn’t see your name in the notification bar  I missed you, only to realise I missed to live the moment of the words that you shared  The moments you remembered and I failed to live it again because I was just lost  While you stood on the door  I was just wondering here and there  Ignorant of the fact that the sun will set and it will be night soon You will close the doors  To sleep with moon outside the window

When you come to meet me Don't stay for longer Trying to uncover parts of me Trying to learn of find the words and adjectives in between the lines I would love to share the tea with you But I fear that if you stay longer after the tea is over And I fell short of words You might smell something very rusty  The hundredth coat of paint  Which i just painted before you entered  On few feelings  Which are yet to dry  I wonder why don't they dry up fast in the scorching heat of Mumbai They seem to have somehow freezed  Which instead of drying melt with the heat The warmth people bring when they ask of my heart Seem to melt it rather than letting it dry and setting it off You might like the smell of the paints I like it too But you might touch it with your bare hands  To feel it And get a bit of it on you The stain Its difficult to get rid of it Just like the love in your heart  You might ended up spreading it  On your palms  On your dress On y...

The ceiling  The fan The curtains The door The windows All are still With the silent Breeze making its way into the room Like the thoughts in my head I can hear the ticking of the clock  The heart knocks against my chest Sometimes even the a sound of my eye lids flickering  On the thoughts that are non stop I cry to myself in the head  "Nobody loves me." Before I throw another tantrum  My head replies Your family loves you. And i suspend that answer  Thinking of  A friend i have known since 10 years now A friend who can read my thoughts through the phone screen Just by knowing me through a year A boy whom I had met years ago  I don't even remember the length of his smile Of the shape of his head or the position or the color of his hair But I think of that boy When I say nobody loves me. Now the irony is  None of the three people  Like to express love in words  Or in loud gestures And i crave for words  But if they tell those wo...

All the fears are real People falling  While walking While dancing While just standing still While looking at someone Failing In the exams With the expectations  Of yours  And your loved once And the strangers Growing In love Out of love Getting old With lessons With scars With open wounds  Being stuck On page for hours and weeks In life for years and years With people till the end In thoughts of your own and the others too. With a blank full of ink but still not working Many others like People giving up on you People not fighting for you You not able to find the old you You missing yourself  While you stand before the mirror With blank thoughts Like standing in a room  On your own shadow Everyday at certain hour of the day All that you fear is happening is someday We just need to breathe through it Crying, yelling, laughing or just sitting through it Or just walking past it.

  We met. Exchanged words. Bid hi followed by bye, Sometimes in days but usually in few minutes. Words started filling the silence; Sometimes meaningful enough to ponder, But mostly just the talk of the moment. And don't know when  The earth's gravity found its place between the two. Pulling her towards him, But then they repeal; If kept in closure distance. When kept in different space It's easy to be different poles. It's only when you bring them together In sentences In feelings You realise  They are alike poles  Natural to repeal Like it's just affection Not love. Talks of 3 AM Simple words  Tuned as metaphors. Or the gift wrappers Shinny, Easy to fell for. Excited to unwrap it With zero patience You even are convinced to tear it off Just to realise It was your heart dancing in happiness Not the thing in the wrapper But that wrapped played the trick The moments  The words The way they talk They way they get into your nerves without even touching you The...

  I tell her I hate you as if it's wishing Good morning or good night or a hie or a bye I tell her I hate you right after I wake up until m dead with my phone in my hand with her texting awaiting my response I tell her I hate you when in the best moods or the worst I tell her about the crush that just happened a min ago I tell her about the boy who was my crush a second ago I cry to her about my fallen ice cream I cry to her about the finished maggie packets I cry to her about the 1cm increase in the muscle fat of my arm I cry to her about the boy not proposing the girl on the screen I cry to her about not receiving a text from the only person I want to slap because he just kept me on read I cry to her about my cravings for cake, maggie, tea, chocolates I cry to her about not able to draw the perfect eyes of my crush  I cry to her about mom not listening to me I cry to her about dad asking me to get married I plan dates with her Where I want to cook the best omelettes The best...

  I miss the normal problems I miss mom scolding me for being late from work I miss being stuck in traffic when out for office I miss being out with my friend and then planning another outing I miss the gossips at the coffee shops I miss the crowd at McDonald's I miss waiting for my chance in the queue of burger King I miss seeing the teenage girls in sarees for farewell in college waiting the bus and the train I miss seeing the boys trying to fix the loose tie standing by their crush I miss seeing dad care free about us being out of home I miss the normal problems The news of people dying is suffocating The news of all the chance for this virus vanishing is nowhere They talk of precautions  Now each day seems a achivement Now each but of oxygen seems a reward Now washing hands seems the only hygienic essential Now being around your loved once seems so terrifying You can't touch them  You can't hug them You can't even wipe their fear tears You can just stand their prayi...

  I ask mom can I go out with him, she says no in blocks caps and everything to make it loud enough So that I don't try to convince her I ask mom if I can go out with her As first like always she says no, but after 2 or 3 attempts  She is fine with the plan  I wonder what is the difference May be she thinks  The she I would be hanging out with Won't hug me Or kiss me Or put her arms around my waist  Or on the shoulders Or come close enough to increase my heart beat Or hold my hands and walk around Or bring me flowers and chocolates and gifts Or take me on a dinner date  Or for lunch Or for a date just with a cup of tea and lots of eye to eye talking and so much of silence  But we will be together all this while But aren't there chance of me falling for a girl But aren't there chance of the boy not liking me and just coming to say hi and a bye  And everything in between it will be about the job and family we both are living with in those four walls...

Right in the front mom was kneading the dough, I could see a tiny girl in to the space With her tiny kitchen set and flour all round and over her And spoonful of water in her tiny jar Trying to learn to knead so happily And I spilled the water mug here My horried mother trying to tug her hair strands behind And asking me to get up Has applied the wet flour against her forehead, And I saw a teen against me Adoring the scene on the television screen A girl struggling with her hair strands And her so called crush, boyfriend or the live partner Rushing from behind and tug those hair strands behind her ear  With so much of love exchanged through the eye As if this the last breathe they are exchanging And I trying to mop the water on the floor had kicked the another water jar into the mid kneeded flour, again! And the moment I saw mom's face So angry and furious Lashing me out of the space Walking my way out of the kitchen I turned and to my surprise, I saw...

Playing with flicks Taunting with habits With words Naming them And then trying to hold them around you, Forever Actually for a known time  Finding a hand to hold Finding a shoulder to ly down Find the place next to them comfortable Trying to know every bit of the person Trying to have them smiling always But Then Dreadful of the below questions How does that matter to you ? Who am I to you ? Why should I tell you this ? Why do you want to know this ? Why this ? Why that ? Can we talk to clear this ? Can we just be friends ? And Also Her smile is so cute. He is looking so hot. He talks so nicely. She cares to much. He takes care of every bit of my situations. She like strolling with me. He likes talking with me. But Then Fighting with  It's complicated It's simple There nothing like this There nothing like that Life flirts with every one of us  But never keeps anyone of us as the destiny Or the soulmate And tomorrow i...

From conscious to cozy corners From continuous sharing of thoughts and gossips in the day To lying down silently besides In the morning, I wake up to new toothbrush And then the poha on the table More brighter than the sun above And coming back to a smile  That is stranger but so welcoming I find a tiny arm around my waist and against my shoulder Did I just find home In a town where am often home sick Here am trying gather all the happiness  That were trying to escape in the name of peace Sharing the blankets and the pillow Had I shared a means to read me or my thoughts? Tossing from right to left Was the pillow steady May be the thoughts of him had left and hence the pillow was resting tired of shutting those stupid thoughts  I wake up searching for a song and a 'Ok' twinkles over it. I HATE IT, I hate this ok now I roll out of bed And start another morning With a breakfast that has a sketch besides and the survival, ...

That night between drinks and tissues That night between silence and gossips That night between flirting and talking That night between water and dry eyes I met someone. I have been talking to this person Since quite a long time But that day, I found a bit of me inside her Strong enough to hold the tear But, wanting a hand to wipe it off Incase it rolls of the pupils You don't know her But talking to her is more easy then to your friend She feels home Not with the concretes But she has all the stories The broken pieces The mended heart The fears, you fail to breathe through The experiences, that are more of fun  Than the choas you struggle with everyday My coconut water! But the shell that she carries isn't tough Which needs a hard hit, to be broken And let the soft core visible to all Instead, Listen to her Ask her about the night, She didn't sleep About the day, That she missed by sleeping for just a couple of minutes by the sun It...

With the end of a song I heard few lines Somebody speaking The earbuds were into my ears but, The song on the phone was pause Nor was a audio or video in play mode Unaware of the source I heard it all A confession May be call that was recorded Or may a confession recorded " We have been friends just for awhile But it seems the breakfast without you Makes the morning more drowsy Because the coffee in the table is missing In the absence of you As you know I  don't drink any bit of it. The afternoon sun tortoures me alot In your absence as I miss you face in the light That  is so adorable that the sun doesn't exist with your presence I tried strolling the evening but then  Without you chit chats  It felt as if I should run to you Hit you, taunt you, joke around To hear you talking non stop All I want to say is that  My heart is a bit scared of not having you around one day eventually... "  Unplugging the earbuds had I turned my h...

Spaces hold so much of air Or may be The air holds so much of space It found itself on the side table With two sitting silently but together With two behind, fighting for each other With one besides With so little of light And so much of thoughts I had used all the tissues Some lying as paperballs Some lying as roses but torn Some lying as boats but sinking in the old monk Some landing on the table As the aeroplane but empty and so much of air inside I turn around all the gossip seems so loud But all I hear is, Please just sit with me May be we were better together May be she is the one  May be I haven't found him May be I won't reach anywhere May be I have lost all but May be a if, could fix it all  If it came true. All the ifs and buts were dissolving in front of me that night But I lost my whole world  In the torn white sheet of the tissue Still dried but absorbing the pain in the eyes  That I had poured in the Bacardi while dri...

He smiled, She smirked . We were walking parallely, But, not together. She doesn't see him and also doesn't ignore. He looks straight towards her Often when she is talking around, The smile sips into her, But, you can't see it Neither can he. And a word comes flying in the air, "He knows all of it". It felts obvious But bad at the same time Because she doesn't like predective rather obvious stories And for the second time She was being part of a obvious story Somehow she had found her intincts back After 5 long years. It's was such a celebration But then she choose it to turn it otherway round They try to be the hero and the heroin And ironically she had become vamp in her own fairytales Although she loves those stupid happy endings on the screen That fills us with so much of hopes, Ugh, stupid hopes She missed the moon  So she grabbed the pen That's the thing with  Lonely roads Beautiful breeze A sky with almost a...

Smelling kitchen Dried bathroom Sleepy bed Talking living spaces And the listening rocking chair Or rather Listening living space And talking rocking chair I weaving the flowers along the tread And you trying hung the one On the door step Mine wet hairs dripping rains to your face Your eyes complaining to the sun rays Peeping through the dancing curtains of your favourite shade The petals of the Daisy trying to escape the stem And run away with the wind Shutting the choas inside I run into the neighborhood The thrash can is full With my scribbled thoughts, dripping from one to another And with the wraps of your food licking one and every around them And the space from outside feelings so tempting I run in and fall on to you Your chest, my head Your buttons, my hair Your towel, my smell

It's good to wake up in the breaks of thoughts The days feels lengthy as if you are breathing from past 48 hours non stop Sensing every bit of it In the lungs and out of heart Trying to feel his presence Unlocking the phone was natural And admist all the ting tong I find my smile shying back It wasn't him this time Instead that one friend had found his space back in to the head yesterday night I had revisited all our gossips within a fraction of seconds And I missed him often He had the habit of asking me for chai Which meant we would be talking Talking about our lost smiles Talking about that one person we miss every morning The good thing to narrate to him about him Was I had never found a judgment for me in his eyes May be they never mattered him May be he just listened to me for that moment But it felt good to say a thousand words, a thousand times and still see him smiling Sometimes over my stupidity Sometimes over my stories  some in the air and...